I grew up in chaos. The mind accepts the reality with which it is presented. As a kid, I knew nothing else, but I wanted something different. Listen: My parents should never have reproduced. They fought dirty. They couldn’t handle their emotions. My dad was childish, selfish and violent. It sucked. At least they divorced when I was seven. It didn’t end the chaos, but it helped. Ultimately, my imagination — and later, my friends — saved me. On my favorite show, which I’ve been watching since preschool, I was drawn to this cool, collected, logic-driven scientist. There had to be a way to be like Spock — to know and control your emotions and not have them toss you around like a ship at sea; to respond to any situation, no matter how high the stakes, with reason and objectivity. He was everything I wanted to be. I’m older now. I’m weeks from 40, and I see my earliest role model in a way the scared, insecure little kid never could. The emotions I thought he deactivated are felt deeply but kept under control. He loves fiercely. He’s funny as hell. He won’t abide injustice. I still want to be Spock when I grow up.